|
 Aries (Mar. 29 - Apr. 19)
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuk about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masterbate at a wedding.
 Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20)
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're busexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.
 Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in oyur character. Simply, your a neurotic schizophrenic. A real weirdo, the type of person who'd kill themself to win a bet.
 Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
You have a bisnesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relatives limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered
 Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anyhing. Most Leo's are living on the welfare.
 Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheep basterd. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.
 Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.
 Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 21)
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzels. However these are only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt preformer with no helmet.
 Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for romp in the sack.
 Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably the alter boy.
 Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in a legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.
 Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20) You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.
|
